Coffee Chats

Letter to Friend

Dearest friend,

Hey, I know that you mean well and you have the best interest for me, but you have to understand from where I am coming from. Over the last couple of times that I have met you, you have been amazing and I love spending time with you but sometimes you really make me question my decision. For all the times we met, for the most part over lunch, I can’t help but say that you made me feel uncomfortable by over feeding me. The first couple of times when you did that I accepted because I didn’t want to hurt you, but now it’s becoming a custom or dare I say a mission of yours and that’s something that I’m not comfortable with.

 

I get from where you are coming, saying that I should eat without restrictions but you should also know I am not restricting myself- I’m just being disciplined. I enjoy eating healthy. It makes me feel good, it makes me feel clean inside. I do assure you that because I eat healthy does not mean that I do not indulge in chocolates and junk food but they are only on prescribed times- just to give me a motivation and celebration.

 

Eating clean is by far the best decision I have made too. My skin feels better, I feel better and the entire system functions properly and plus I maintain a healthy weight that pleases me very much.

 

It’s easy for you to say ‘You shouldn’t be conscious of your diet at this age.’ with you ideal body of small and thin stature,  but when you are on the receiving end of clothes not fitting because you are not of the size, when you walk past a reflecting object and see your ill figure- that’s when you’ll understand how it feels to be ‘fat’.

 

It’s been a process for me to understand and come to love my body- I still haven’t reached a point of satisfaction  but you feed me so much that i am beginning to hate myself for even encouraging you. It’s been a work in progress of over two years to be at the space that I am at now and I beg you to not take it away from me.

 

You need to understand and know that everyone’s body and metabolism is different and that I am not on the fortunate side of high metabolic rate as you are. Hence even if I eat what you eat, it’s going to show in a ugly way. I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror and feel sorry for myself every single time. Please do understand that.

 

I am happy with the way I eat and what I eat don’t for a second think that I am starving myself. I feel content and a sense of achievement when I eat the way I eat. I am happy for you that you enjoy eating and enjoy life to the fullest. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t – i just have a different way of doing it.

 

Hope you understand.

Lots of love

Amanda

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